Next Thursday is Kermit’s birthday. What on Earth do you get a frog that has been a celebrity for decades? We are going to watch The Muppets and perhaps we should bake a green cake but other than that I’m stumped. Smurfy is no help, he is too busy going through his tuck-box looking for things to use in his fight against Brainy. Why is he fighting Brainy? Because Smurfy has been talking trash about Brainy all weekend and Brainy found out. None of us stuffies have ever met Brainy but Smurfy seems rather anxious about him so he must be huge. Smurfy found a note yesterday on his bedroom floor that said, “I heard what you said about me and I’m not amused. Watch your back. Warm regards, Brainy”. No wonder Smurfy is freaking out. People that make threats followed by a cordial sign-off are scary indeed.
While Smurfy searches for fireworks and Nerf bullets, I am working on Kermit’s birthday card. So far, it says, “Froggy went a-courting and then got old, uh-huh.” I need more substance. I went around the house and found everything we have that is green. Green fabric, water glasses, books, painting tape, shirts, tea towels, an apron, and some books. I piled them high on top of each other and told Kermit to come and see his birthday statue. When he came over, I jumped out from underneath the pile and yelled, “Gotcha!” as loud as I could. Kermit fainted. He fell over on his stuffy butt and got his hand caught in a big water bottle. Oops. I got out the butter; I had seen people use that on TV before but IT DOESN’T WORK! After the failed attempt with the butter, I tried freezing it. But freezing the bottle meant freezing Kermit and after a few minutes in the freezer he was pretty mad. You don’t want to make a frog angry; unlike the Hulk, frogs start out green. It’s like they’re halfway to angry all the time.
Once we realized that Kermit was holding onto a cookie (hidden in the water bottle by Snuffles – don’t ask), I told him to let go of the cookie and his hand slid right out. We then asked Smurfy to use his robot hand to get the cookie out of the water bottle. It broke into a hundred pieces but we ate it anyway. Broken cookies have lost all their calories so we ate like goblins. Now that Kermit was safely tucked away, I went back to work on my card. On the inside, I drew a picture of a frog with old people glasses trying to read a newspaper from arm’s length. That gave me an idea! I went to the store and bought Kermit a magnifying glass and a Muppet story book about Miss Piggy. Problem solved.