City of Calgary officials are reminding Calgarians this morning to please use their black bins to dispose of now useless Jarome Iginla jerseys. In a statement earlier today, City of Calgary chief engineer Smurfy stated, “Crews have been up all night removing jerseys from the street, city parks, and power lines. Please dispose of your jerseys appropriately or fines will be laid.” Smurfy is concerned that the Easter Bunny may not find his way on Sunday with so many jerseys in the way. “We know the Easter bunny relies on satellite data that is obtained a week ahead of time and we are greatly concerned that some houses will be missed when the famous rabbit ‘turns right at the Iginla shirt’ rather than ‘turning right at the pile of dirt’. Smurfy is asking families to band together to clear the streets, pathways and parks by Saturday at midnight. “We all know how frustrating it is to hear the word, ‘recalculating’ when we’re trying to get somewhere fast.”
Meanwhile at the house, the penguins had been up partying all night with the news about the new player. “Of course he’s coming to the penguins,” Alvin commented, “we’re the best.” Other penguins weren’t sure that the team could handle another super star. “There is only so much room at the top,” Nathan (a.k.a. Napoleon) said this morning over his breakfast of crepes, “I find it works better to have one emperor and everyone else beneath him. I sent an email to Jarome last night, encouraging him to be that emperor.”
Time will tell whether the move was worthwhile for everyone involved. In the meantime, the stuffies are taking no chances with the Easter Bunny’s visit on Sunday. “We’ve created un underground tunnel from Easter Island right into our backyard,” Panda admitted after coming inside the house filthy dirty. “I’ve always wanted to dig a hole to China but this is okay too”. Looks like there will be no shortage of sugar here.